Every time I hear “weakness in me” by Keisha White, I think of you.

Make me lie when I don’t want to

and make someone else some kind of unknowing fool

You make me stay when I should not.

Are you so strong or is the weakness in me?

 

Why do you come here and pretend to be just passing by?

But I need to see you

and I need to hold you…tightly

Baby

I hate how weak I am around you. I hate how much I love you.

I read your name and I get a little thrill. When you send a message, I am completely giddy at the thought of what it is you thought to send me. I’m like a little girl rushing to open her present on Christmas morning even if it is just a simple “hi,” my excitement persists because it’s from you.

I may inhabit this body but at certain times, you control it. My aura changes just thinking of you, it is bright and fluorescent. It shines so brightly that I can barely contain the glow that spills out into the world as blushing cheeks.

The world may be dark and full of terrors but not when I’m with you. When I’m with you, the world is bold and beautiful. There is levity to everything. Every problem and crisis melt away and I find myself in a constant state of contradiction. I am torn between feelings of complete freedom and embarrassment, I don’t want others to know, yet I couldn’t care less who does.

People can go screw themselves with their hate, criticisms, and gossip. I’m with you and no one else. It’s as if everyone else is in the background of a painting, adding depth and detail to the masterpiece in the foreground that is you. All my focus and energy is on you. The only voice I need to hear is yours. You’ve reduced me to a child, completely void of any filter and gleefully playing, happy because you’re smiling.

When I’m with you, there is a strong magnetic pull bringing me closer and closer to you. I give in and embrace it, letting it carry me away until I finally connect with you. A simple tap of our knees or graze of fingers, just a small inch of your skin touching mine and that magnetism turns into electricity. A large surge of energy then courses through my body, energising my spirit. It is like a hit of powerful narcotics, a large high quickly fleeting, telling me I need another shock to my system. I need another dose of you.

We have known each other for a sometime now, yet you still excite me like the very first time. I mean, we were sitting for a meal with a table full of people and as I moved to sit next to you I wished you could hear my heart, beating any Bugatti going from zero to 200 in 0.5secs. I wish somehow we could read each other’s minds so I could express every silly feeling rushing through my head because, for now, I don’t want the world to know, just you.

We are alone, at last. No interruptions, no distractions, just you and me. It is like a scene from those old Hollywood movies with a Middle Eastern man playing his flute to call on a serpent inside a woven basket. I am the snake, powerful and deadly, rendered helpless and mystified by the tune you play, a tune called confidence. When you pull me in closer, I am in a haze. Dazed by all the feelings stirring in my body, questioning my reality for this could only be a dream. When we kiss, I want to return the favour and channel back all the yearning you’ve given me. When you kiss my neck, I lose myself in you and when your hands go over your favourite parts of my body, it’s exhilarating. All I want is to feel more.

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Here we lay next to each other, our fingers intertwined. An intimate moment so brief in time yet immortalised in my mind. You look at me and take in my features, telling me how beautiful I am. At that time I have so many thoughts rushing “I know”, “thank you”, “duh”, “tell me all the ways I am so pretty”. But I am, paralysed, completely lost for words, unable to believe that someone like you could want me.

The thought of you lingers; time turns being with you into pleasant memories and those memories turn to fantasies of the next time we will be together. Sometimes I snap out of this reality, my body seems present yet my mind has gone to another space where I am with you, entangled in your embrace. I fool myself that we are together because time and distance will not allow it.

I am a strong black independent woman but I cannot save myself from the incessant ramblings, forever struggling the condition of my affections making a total fool of myself in front of you. You always seem to unconsciously find the kink in my armour, the façade of my strength and power, and I cannot seem to keep from going weak in your presence. You are the piece of home that drains me of all my power.

Now only Jhene Aiko’s words perfectly describe me

I don’t need you, I don’t need you

I don’t need you, I don’t need you

But I want you

I don’t mean to, I don’t mean to

I don’t mean to, I don’t mean to

But I love you

Edited by TheWalkingWeave

Pictures from Google Search

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